Dear Friends,
There have been requests for the abridged version of the marriage reflection,
which version was the one actually used by me recently at a most beautiful
wedding celebration. The following is that shortened version, and feel free to
use it and quote it in your parish marriage preparation classes.
Sincerely,
Doug Michaud +
Marriage
in Jesus Christ
In John 12:32 Jesus says, “…and I,
when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all humanity to myself.” In many
ways this incredible verse becomes the basis for St. John’s very unique vision
of the Gospel.
What is that vision? It is that in
Jesus on the Cross, God Father, Son, and Holy Spirit reveal the fullness of
God’s Love for humanity – that Love as something consummately beautiful; that
Love as all-powerful, even a decisive force in the face of Evil. And for John
the Joy of the Gospel, the Joy of the Good News, is that in Holy Communion with
the Lord we are drawn into the Jesus’ Life, Love, Power, and Freedom.
In Holy Communion with Jesus we are
now called by the Father to be like His Son, to be the Face of His Love in this
world and for each other; to be for each other the Face of a Love like only God
can Love.
In
Holy Matrimony especially the call is there for husband and wife to mirror to
the world God’s Love for His Bride, His Church, His people. But above all the
call is there for husband and wife to mirror God’s Love to each other.
To our wedding couple I say this is your call today, and
realize always what a sublime Grace and Gift this call, this vocation, truly is
which you embrace in this moment.
Realize,
first of all, that it is a Grace and Gift, a Grace and Gift that only becomes
possible for humanity by being in Holy Communion with the Spirit of the Risen
Christ. After the Resurrection Jesus told His Apostles, “And behold, I send the
promise of the Father upon you; but stay in the city, until you are clothed
with Power from on high.” (Luke 24:49) Carrying forward the thought of our Lord,
in fact, don’t even think of committing to such Love, His Love, Divine Love,
apart from such Power.
What is that like – God’s Love,
Divine Love, a Love like only God can love? Dominic Cavallaro, a dear friend
and former teacher, would always point me toward the Cross to understand that
Love - and for our Bride and Groom before us today that is exactly what I am
doing now: pointing you always toward the Cross to see the perfection of Love,
to see the fullness of God. Especially Dom would especially point me toward the
Cross when I complained to him about how much someone was hurting me.
Pointing to the Cross Dom would say,
“Love that person, forgive that person even as Jesus forgave all humanity from
the Cross. And my friend would always add the following imperative to his most
wise counsel, “Doug, forgive people, and always ask yourself how much they have
been hurt to become so mean.”
(
2 )
Dom’s message was very much like the
incredible message of Corrie Ten Boom, author of the book, “The Hiding Place”,
and a concentration camp survivor after World War II. Her message, if not her actual words: Because
of the death of Jesus on the Cross all the sins of humanity since the dawn of
human history have become as a drop of water to be lost in the ocean of God’s
Mercy.
To be for each other the Face of
divine Love is most importantly then to be the Face of Divine Mercy, to be a
Love for each other that is unconditional, a Love that always shows mercy, that
always takes us back after we fail and fall, a Love that forgives, and forgives
not “seven times, but seventy times seven”. (Matthew 18:21-22)
To do this, holy communion with the
Spirit of the Risen Christ makes all the difference. How true this is in holy
matrimony.
For your spouse to feel that their
sins are lost forever in the ocean of God’s mercy and forgiveness. Or for them
to feel your forgiveness not seven times, but seventy times seven. Love does
that! Unconditional Love pays the price to give amazing Grace! And the call of
Divine Love is to do precisely that. John 12:32! Jesus lifted up on the Cross
calls all humanity into holy communion with Himself. Why? To be drawn into His
Life and Love, into a Love like His own, into the beauty and power of a Love
Like only God can Love.
Yes, again I say to our wedding
couple today, look to the Cross to understand Love. Look to Jesus lifted up!
Always look to the Cross. Always
respect the Cross – but in the literal sense of the Latin root for the word
“respect”: “respicere”, to look again, to look deeper. Never stop contemplating
the depth of the Love revealed there, the manifestation of God made visible
there. And let the scriptures guide you into that deeper contemplation. Hebrews
12:2: “…Jesus, for the Joy that was set before Him, endured the Cross…” Or
Philippians 2:5-8: “Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ
Jesus, Who, though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a
thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself,
taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being
found in human form He humbled Himself and became obedient unto death, even
death on a Cross.
What is this Joy for which Jesus
endured even the Cross? What is this “emptying Himself” of all that was
equality with God?
As for the Joy set before Him, worth
even the price of Calvary? It was you, each of you. It was me. We are all of us
His happy thought, His ecstatic thought. We are all of us, each of us, the
Spouse of the Lamb. He died with your name, my name, upon His lips.
(
3 )
At the thought of you there was Love
in Him so strong that it was “a flash of divine fire”, “a flame of Yahweh
Himself”. The Power of that Love could endure all. “Deep waters” could not
quench the Love that burned within Him at the thought of you; “raging floods”
could not sweep it away. (Song of Songs 8:6-7)
Tribulation, distress, persecution, peril, nakedness or sword - nothing
could tear us from His Love. (Romans 8:3) With our names upon His lips He
embraced even the Cross all in the hope that He could us take with Him back
home forever to the Heart of the Father. (John 14:1-3) Such was the Love that
Jesus had for His bride. His message to us, to you our wedding couple: Go and
do likewise for your Beloved as well. (John 13:15)
As for “emptying Himself” of all
that was equality with God, let Tolkien in “Lord of the Rings” enlighten us. In
a very real way his portrayal of the love of Arwen for Aragorn, parallels the
Love of Jesus for us, His Bride, the Church. Arwen’s Love is also a Love like
only God can Love, and it epitomizes the “emptying” of which St. Paul speaks,
that “self-emptying” of Christ out of love for us.
Arwen, to be with Aragorn her beloved, to be always by his side, surrenders the immortality of her people, the
Elves. In her own words to Aragorn, in a most beautiful scene in Rivendell, she
says, “I would rather share one life-time with you than face all the ages of this
world alone.” She sacrifices her own immortality to be with the one she loves.
For him she empties from her life her power to live forever.
In a substantial way, Jesus does
something very similar, and that parallel is not at all lost to the view of
Tolkien. To Jesus such is our dignity, our value, our inestimable worth, that
the torment of the Cross was nothing compared to the torment of an eternity,
and even of a Paradise, without His Bride, the Church; nothing compared to the
torment of losing the Dream, the Dream of His Spouse, humanity, being with Him
forever.
Love like only God can Love… How
holy matrimony sublimely and uniquely makes the radiant Light of that Love
visible for all to see.
Now I ask this question of our
wedding couple: “Is Love like that for each other burning in your hearts today?”
Yes! And never be surprised when you
see it! Never be surprised when you see in each other a Love that is the Face
of Jesus reaching out to you, Love far beyond all that you could have asked or
imagined possible, Love far beyond anything you could have ever dared to dream
real (1 Cor. 2:9-10) – Love like in the Browning poem “How Do I Love Thee”:
“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and
breadth and height my soul can reach when feeling out of sight for the ends of
being and divine life.”
I think of my own Bride, Patricia,
who is ever by my side. Have I ever
even understood the depth of her Love, or the price she has paid to be ever
present to me, ever by my side? No. But at times I do glimpse something of the
depth of that Love, and in that Love I have always seen the Face of Jesus. Most
of the time, I glimpse that Christ-like Love when we leave her family’s home
after a visit in Michigan.
(
4 )
For all the years we have been
together, never once have I failed to see her tears as we leave, as she leaves
her loved ones and the home of her youth. And it shakes me to the core of my
being to know that she has done that for me, to know the price she has paid to
be with me rather than without me,
to be together for life. Over the years in those tears I have always seen in my
beautiful Bride a most Sacred Heart that has embraced for me the Cross of
Divine Love.
And to our wedding couple I will
also offer the following advice, a most important counsel: never doubt that
such awesome Love is sacramental. The Power of such Love reaching out to touch
you through your spouse imparts Grace, the Life and the healing Presence of
God. Your Love for each other in Christ can raise your spouse to the heights of
a life lived to the full (John 10:10), set them free from all fear, empower
them to pursue and achieve dreams of excellence, dreams of courage, dreams that
great Love inspires in the hearts of all of us.
So also any spouse in Christ for the
one they love. And so also, my wife for me. In the dark hours of my life, when
everything seems to be coming to pieces, when life hits so hard that I am at
the edge of brokenness and breakdown, the Love of my Bride has healed me, raised
me to Life and set me free from all doubt and fear. Her Love in Christ is “my
Light and Salvation”. Whom or what should I fear? Her Love in Christ is “the
stronghold of my life”. Of whom or what should I be afraid? (Psalm 27:1)
If I speak to an audience of
thousands of people and my Bride is there, smiling by my side – and she always
is – I know no fear but only freedom in the embrace of her Love. And to our wedding couple today I say
unequivocally that your Love in Christ will make the same be true for you. Your
Love for each other, your presence with each other, will impart Grace to your
Beloved, will be the source of nothing less than sacramental Power.
My Bride is always there for me,
here with me. The very expressions are evocative of the Divine Name, “I am Who
am with you”. Oh yes, that is the full meaning of “Yahweh”, the name of God in
the Old Testament – and even more than that: “I am Who am with you with Grace
and Truth”, with unconditional Love and Mercy, with a Love that will be true to
you “no matter what”. (Echoes of Rocky and Adrian movies here, but why not?!)
At the birth of Jesus, God made
those words come alive, become flesh in His Son. ‘And his name shall be called
“Emmanuel” (which means, God with us)’. (Matthew 1:23) But it was on the Cross
where God in Jesus paid the price to have us, the Church, His Bride, be with
him through all the ages of eternity.
And to our wedding couple I will say
that ultimately to become for each other the mirror of the Divine Name – “God
with us” - is the true height and scope of the call you commit to and embrace
this day. And as much as a burning candle makes all the difference in a dark
room, so also will be your Love in the Lord for each other, and the presence of
Christ touching each of you through your spouse.
(
5 )
When I was drifting off into a deep
sleep for my cancer surgery, my Bride was holding my hand and it made all the
difference. She was there, and in her Love the Lord was there as well. Yes, in
the dark hours of my life she has always been there. And not always with words,
but always with her beautiful eyes, she has “I am here, by your side. I am Who
am present, Who will go with you, Who will always stand by you.” And with her
presence, her embrace, she has always touched me with a Love that is not only
her own but His.
She has always stood by me, even in
the shadow of whatever cross or crisis has come my way. And it has made all the
difference. She has been the wind beneath my wings, my bridge over troubled
waters. Her Love in Christ has always been the healing Power of God’s Love and
Presence ever with me.
How I pray for our wedding couple
today that the same Joy will always be yours, that your presence for each other
will also be for each other the presence of Christ, the Presence of God with
you, the Divine Name reaching out to you through your spouse, the Lord saying
to you through them “I am Who am here, ever present to you”.
In the film “Far From the Madding
Crowd”, Gabriel tells his Beloved Bathsheba why he wants to marry her. He
states his case simply, “So that when you look up there I’ll be, and when I
look up there you’ll be.” That’s it! The Grace and Gift of looking up and
seeing your Beloved always with you. That is the Joy of my marriage. That is
the Joy for which Jesus embraced the Cross. It is the Joy for you today for
which I pray. Not only with words, but always with eyes that are a window to
your heart, say to each other each day, “I’m here, by your side.” And then all
of your life reach out and touch each other with a Love that is not only your
own but His.
